Too little, too late

Following the post I had made on April 25th regarding my problems and things I need to change, well, my work evaulation came up short of being satisfactory because of those problems I had mentioned and so I got a tongue lash from my boss. Had expected it but never would have thought it blew into a bigger proportion because of my boss dragged pass history into the argument and so it was downhill in a short time and manage to salvage the "meeting" and hopefully it's resolved. See how it goes.

On another news, a sadder news to report, Chrissy's father just passed away yesterday morning and had the wake yesterday evening. Heart failure.

April 27th, 2006

I finished the class today with some hurtful feelings in my heart. I poured out to this class and what do I get in return? I got a one point of five points for my training when they, the participants, gave an evaluation on the training as a whole. Though not all gave me one point, I got a full five in others, but I guess I should have expected it because the participant couldn't follow the class and so I got blamed instead. The law of averages is good for me but how will my boss see this as? It's almost a given in a class that when you have a bad participant, and that participant is either slow or not qualified to join the group, those are the participants that will give bad evaluation almost every single time. That's my life as an instructor. Tiring, really tired physically and mentally. Can't wait to go back home. See ya.

26th April, 2006

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARGARET! That's the thing I wanted to write first. She's &% years old today and what I was told was she had lost her voice during a karaoke session last night. What a celebration that must be.

Yesterday, I went back home early and I looked up and saw a beautiful sky. How I wish I could see it more often. How I wish I wouldn't miss anymore of those scenes. An almost perfect blue with white, cotton clouds hung in the sky. The yellow sun was turning redder with each passing minute and with the wind that blows up in that high level, seemed to be pulling the cotton clouds into fibre like. I smile at those instances. My only regret was I didn't have a digital camera or some sort to take the picture of the sky.

Class today is good. Meaning I manage to stay on course schedule and I could guide them well. That's good enough for me. Only thing about my job that I often complain is that I feel so physically drained because I need to stand all the time and so at the end of the day, I would need to sit down. What other stuff that is hazardous to my health? I talk too much. In this line of work, I have to talk and the more I talk, the better a trainer I would seem to be. So again, at the end of the day, I could be dying of thirst. Whew. Today is a good day because of the energy that I spend is not wasted by the information that the participants being absorbed (almost equal amount today) so it's a good thing.

April 25th, 2006

The past few weeks has been good to me. It's not that I did anything fantastic or I struck a jackpot or anything like that. What I mean good was that I was able to pin-point some of my mistakes and I found some stuff that I should be working on to make me a better person. Ugly things such as :

• Not patient enough. Yes, I am rather impatient in certain things and so I must learn to control my anger which leads to my second problem
  
• Anger problem. My anger problem is not so much lies with being snappy just rather impatient and so I tend to flare up.
• Prayer problem. I don't have a particular problem with prayer but I haven't done enough
• Self-flogging. I flog myself for the smallest things but for me this is probably the most difficult one to manage. I mean, being critical about myself is part of me and it's going to take ALOT of effort for me to change this problem
• Jealousy. Yes, everyone has it, but that doesn't mean that I shouldn't improve myself on this. I could easily say "since everyone has it, then it's okay". My own answer is, "I know it though. And it's not a good feeling to have" and after all, if everyone else has it doesn't mean that I should have it too right? This is not the jealousy of "his girlfriend is prettier than mine" but coveting other stuff too.
  

So there you have it. My human stains personally wrote out to you readers. I know its not going to be an overnight change and if you readers knows me, let me know of my mistakes and hopefully I would listen and change. Thanks again.