What a tiring day...

Sigh. My task has ended with a thud. I conducted the class like usual but through out this whole week, I had a senior instructor sitting in my class. His purpose: to check on me and my works. Needless-to-say, I didn't do such a good job as I could have. So through out this whole week, I was underpressure. It just wasn't such a good week. I knew my good times will come to a halt (previous post of last week's) and so this week is just a tiring and stressful week. Penance? Don't know but all I know is "you'd better buck up on certain areas" was this week's favourite quote. It's a short blog today but I'm just too tired to write more. Shutting down.

Thank you for being a friend...

I did not write this. I wish I did but it's not mine. A new found friend of mine mailed this to me and I find this very apporpriate to express my feelings towards all my friends (both old and new). So I'm publishing this written piece.

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Friends are like Angels, who help Us fly when our wings have forgotten how to fly..."

PEOPLE COME INTO YOUR LIFE FOR A REASON

I am sending this to you to see how many actually read their e-mail. Your response will be interesting. Pay attention to what you read. After you have finished reading it, you will know the reason it was sent to you. Here goes:

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a Godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.


Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.!


LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all
other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.


Thank you for being a part of my life, whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I JUST WANT ALL OF YOU TO KNOW EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NOT KEPT INTOUCH WITH SOME OF YOU (sorry), I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU ARE VERY DEAR TO ME!

July 31, 2006 : Part 4

I had abstained myself from the internet for the past week and two days. So I haven't been updating. That doesn't mean I stopped writing. So to make it all up, I'm posting something which I've written during my week and two days absence. I can't believe it, just a week and two days I got like 108 e-mails. Not junk but legit mails. Sigh. So this is blog 4/4 from my past week.

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I had the mood to watch an oldie. Not too old but a few years old. Here are some of the script from that old movie.


Caesar: Tell me again, Maximus. Why are we here?

Maximus: For the glory of the Empire, sire.

Caesar: Ah, yes. Ah, yes, I remember.

Pausing for a moment, putting his quill down and looked at the make-shift wall.

Caesar: Do you see that map, Maximus? That is the world which I created. For 25 years, I have conquered, spilt blood, expanded the Empire. Since I became Caesar, I've known four years without war. Four years of peace in 20. And for what? I brought the sword. Nothing more.


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(Con't)

Maximus: Five thousand of my men are out there in the freezing mud. Three thousand of them are bloodied and cleaved. Two thousand will never leave this place. I will not believe that they fought and died for nothing.

Caesar: And what would you believe?

Maximus: They fought for you...and for Rome.

Caesar: What is Rome, Maximus?

Maximus: I've seen much of the rest of the world. It is brutal and cruel and dark. Rome is the light.

Caesar: Yet you have not been there. You have not seen what is has become. I am dying, Maximus. When a man sees his end, he wants to know there was some purpose to his life. How will the world speak my name in the years to come? Will I be known as the philosopher? The warrior? The tyrant?

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Haven't figured it out yet? Alwyn would have picked the name out within two seconds with the first line. It's the movie "Gladiator" and it’s one of my favourite movies to date. Interestingly enough, as I type this blog, my head starts to play the theme of the movie. It’s the same theme song that was used in the movie during the battle at Germania and at the Coliseum when Maximus and his fellow gladiators were about to be massacred by the chariots. I play a game called (still playing actually) "Rise of Nations". It's a very nice game and I picked Romans as my nation and as the fighting begins in the game, this same song plays in my head. Though it make no sense of me to shout "Roma Victor!", I see the same battle scenes from that movie in my game.






Enough of that. Looking at the script made me wonder. I wonder if the many previous Greats out there do think like the Caesar here. Don’t know. What about the many great people of today? Don’t know that too. For most of us, having that kind of power and responsibility is unknown and untested by our virtues. In that movie, the Caesar stated four virtues of leadership: Wisdom, justice, fortitude and temperance. What virtues do you have?

Most people today are looking for ambitious people. Being ambitious is a good thing, it's a virtue to move forward and be better. Grin. Ambitious means good for the company and, possibly, for country. This means that the person hired or selected to do things would be driven to do whatever means possible to achieve goals set in their minds. This is primarily what the Human Resources or big organizations want in an employee. This often tested in interviews by asking a very simple question: What do you want to be in five years time?

Yes. Being ambitious is good. However good it is, being ambitious can be a double-edged sword. Being ambitious without control by proper, moral and other good virtues is like transporting nitro in a rickety bicycle on a road full of bumps. Yeah, I am not ambitious. Not ambitious enough for the corporate world to accept me as an employee that they would like me to be. However, I looked at and worked with many ambitious people in my working career. Most of them are very good at their work. Some of them excel even. Yet they lack many good things out in their life. I once worked with a manager that is very ambitious. He told me about his plans and his dreams of the things that he worked for. His ideas were good and he laboured hard. However, there was once when he got a call from his wife and I was sitting in the same room just three feet away from him.

"I won't be having dinner with you. Let me tell you something, my work is more important than you and your dinner."

He proudly said that infront of me. Needless to say, he's not a very nice supervisor to work with. It's scary at times working for him but you have to admire his ambitious virtue though.

So what goes on in a mind of a great and know that your end is near.

"I am dying, Maximus. When a man sees his end, he wants to know there was some purpose to his life. How will the world speak my name in the years to come? Will I be known as the philosopher? The warrior? The tyrant? "

How do we know indeed. I watched the series "Commander in Chief" on television the other day. It's the episode where a US nuclear submarine was in some deep doo-doo and was stuck twelve miles off the coast of (of all the places) North Korea. Looking at the show, it gives me shivers just to think if I were in her position. Here I am, as the President of the United States of America, having weapons of destruction of mind boggling magnitude, have two choices: save your countrymen with guns blazing or let them die. Things to note: Leaving the soldiers to die is okay. After all they are soldiers and they know the rules of war. However, to back down would show cowardice? The movie (of course) saved the crewmen and managed to do it peacefully with not a single shot fired during the rescue operation.

How do we fare if we were to sit on a throne and wear a crown that gives you almost absolute power. I thank God that I won’t be in that position. Probably because I am not ambitious enough. More importantly because God knows me. God knows what I would become if I were to be in that seat. I know my inner self too. How I wish I could have some of it. The glory of it all, that’s what I envy for. Honestly, I know if I were to be in that position, I would be bad at it. Very bad in fact. So thank God for making me who I am. Peace ya’ all.

July 31, 2006 : Part 3

I had abstained myself from the internet for the past week and two days. So I haven't been updating. That doesn't mean I stopped writing. So to make it all up, I'm posting something which I've written during my week and two days absence. I can't believe it, just a week and two days I got like 108 e-mails. Not junk but legit mails. Sigh. So this is blog 3/4 from my past week.

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Things in my life are going good so far. The life that I am in right now isn’t great but better than average which puts it in “good” category. This is where I get myself ready. I will tighten myself and grit my teeth for the on-coming storm. Though I do not foresee it coming from any direction or any time, I know that it is coming. The tsunami is coming.

My life, like some others out there, is often filled with ups and downs and in-betweens. I have not seen others or question others of my peers regarding this issue. Do you expect a turn to the worse whenever you’re enjoying yourself? I often ponder this question and I often find that it’s true. Whenever I try to enjoy myself, I find myself in a “less-than” position in a short while later. I guess life is nothing BUT a roller-coaster.

You would have thought that a person like me would have already figured it out about life especially my own personal life. Heck no! Probably I’m in denial. Probably. I mean I have seen my life go up and down so many times that, by now, I should have learnt something from it all. “You never learned a damn thing did you, Pete Mitchell, except to learn how to quit.” These words were quoted from the movie “Top Gun”.

As I have said a paragraph earlier that I’m probably in denial. I have to face the reality of being mortal. I have to face the reality that life isn’t going to be “happily ever after”. I have to come to grips with reality and turn on my senses to life. I’m glad that I got this conversation with myself. Really. Here I am writing for all to see but in reality I’m also talking to myself. By writing about myself, I discover myself and it helps me see what I see in myself (that I didn't see it before) and could probably be one of my turning point in my life. I am glad that I could do this. Really glad.

I hardly have good serious conversations about life with anyone. On those rare occasions I do have but not often enough. Not even with my girlfriend and probably she’s been hinting to stir the insides of me to talk but having such a dense person, I would guess it takes a lot of drilling and hinting to get to the deeper part of me. So here I am digging my inner self and conversing with myself.

“I really enjoy our conversations” and “It is a good conversation.” Both sentences were taken from the movie “The Last Samurai”. (Isn’t it odd that I tend to find quotes from movies that were acted by Tom Cruise? Believe me, it’s just a coincidence.)

Yeah, I know. Most people would place me in an institution if I were to talk to myself. The thing is, most people talk to themselves but not out loud. Decision making of even to choose what meal to have for lunch is also part of talking to yourself. For me, I talk to myself just like anyone with the exception of being honest with myself and I hope to grow from this "good conversation".


The storm is coming soon and I can feel it in this heart of mine (yes I have a heart). Preparing for the worse and hope for the best. It is time for me to prepare my sails and ride out the storm. It is time for me to meet the storm head on and laugh at life’s misery. Be like the Captain Amos (a character from several novels written by Raymond E. Feist) and laugh at a storm. Said he, when the storm passes over, a man (or woman) would never feel the same when he already gone through hell, look at death in the eye and come back again. Danger ahoy! Set sail, hoist the anchor and cast off. Time to ride.

July 31, 2006 : Part 2

I had abstained myself from the internet for the past week and two days. So I haven't been updating. That doesn't mean I stopped writing. So to make it all up, I'm posting something which I've written during my week and two days absence. I can't believe it, just a week and two days I got like 108 e-mails. Not junk but legit mails. Sigh. So this is blog 2/4 from my past week.

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This is one of those mornings that I like best. I woke up about seven as usual and I found out that I have extra time. I have time to have a nice, decent breakfast at a casual pace. I mean I had putu mayam (it is best eaten while it’s warm). I often eat it by wrapping it with shredded coconut and brown sugar. This morning I had it withChinese green tea. Refreshing. Very refreshing indeed.

I love that.

I love Chinese green tea because its refreshing, clear and a slightly raw taste. The aftertaste would leave a tingling feeling in my mouth. I also like the other side of the scale of Chinese tea. Pu Er, the fully-fermented Chinese tea, is less refreshing; however the body of taste makes up for the loss. Occasionally I would brew Iron Goddess of Mercy (Tie Guan Yin). Sort of a halfway blend between the two types of tea mentioned. However the absolute favourite Chinese tea of mine is Shui Xian. If I were to directly translate it: Water Fairy.

I like Chinese tea. It kinda rubbed off to me by my pastor. I grew to like the taste of tea, the different types of tea and I wish to have more. Then I found myself going into this "hobby" somewhat seriously. As I develop this hobby of mine I find myself getting broke. I mean seriously. To purchase Pu Er or any other Chinese tea of good quality for consumption, let say Tie Guan Yin, I would to need to cough up about a buck to a buck and a half per gram.

A fair amount, 75 grams, would last me about a good four months if I drink consistently every weekend. I can’t drink in my office since I do not want to put my (expensive) Chinese tea brewing equipment there. The pot that I placed at home is of good quality and it already cost me 160 RM. I also need the other stuff. Not out of necessity but required for me to brew the tea nicely. The brewing technique for Chinese tea is definitely different from English tea (categorized as Black Tea though it's red in colour) so I require certain techniques and certain equipment for me to do it right.

So what does this leave me? It would leave me with a big hole in my wallet. It will continue to deplete my already red zone budget. Ai, yai, yai. What am I going to do? Can’t do much but since I still like tea, I’d guess I’ll somehow squeeze some drops out of my limited budget and continue to drink tea. Just the thought of it gives me shudders since I can’t do any other thing much but I guess I’ll live.

July 31, 2006 : Part 1

I had abstained myself from the internet for the past week and two days. So I haven't been updating. That doesn't mean I stopped writing. So to make it all up, I'm posting something which I've written during my week and two days absence. I can't believe it, just a week and two days I got like 108 e-mails. Not junk but legit mails. Sigh. So this is blog 1/4 from my past week.

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Durian season is here. Yup. The absolute "King of Fruits" hits the streets of Malaysia once more and customers flock to buy them in several up to dozens. I know a family that buys two dozens (or more) at one time. Not mine of course. My family is somewhat a tasting type. We neither buy a few nor lots but somewhat a modest amount. My family is a family of five and so if we do buy durians, we would have a total of not more than six and not less than three. The whole purpose of purchasing is not to eat till we choke but to eat for taste. Yes, gentle Malaysian readers, I love durians but I eat for taste (unless it's durian ice-cream of course).

I still remember the times I had durians when I was in Canada. Yup. You can find durians in Canada. Hard to find though but you could. In Winnipeg, you can’t buy fresh ones like the ones in Malaysia but you do get fresh ones (rarely) at a shop in China Town. Almost no smell (what is a durian without the smell) and a bit over ripe for my taste (you could see the durian husk already split opened).

So to get my dose of durians, I had to go to another part of town. Behind the back of the University of Winnipeg, I would find a small street that would lead me to a restaurant that serves the “King of Fruits”. Fortunately for me (probably the only Malaysian guy who knows the place as I never took any of my Malaysian juniors there), the fruit still holds the smell and the taste of a true durian. Unfortunately, it’s not in its true form. It’s in the form of a shake. Yup. I had my very first durian shake in Canada.

During some of the days that were longer than most, I often find myself shuffling my feet towards the restaurant. I would sit down and order the beef noodle soup. Trust me. It's awesome. Thin, flat translucent noodles, with large chunks of tender beef mixed with several slices of beef of different parts. Beef tripe, floating beef balls and a generous helping of bean sprouts to accompany the already good-enough-meal. The size of the bowl is equivalent to a small basin. Peppermint leaves and hot pepper at the side; in case you do not like them. It would normally take me fifteen to twenty minutes to wolf down the noodles and would order my dessert. Wonderful meal that one is. Simply wonderful. The only thing is, the cost of the dessert is nearly ¾ of the beef noodle soup. Who cares.

Durians in Malaysia are abundant. I mean abundant of species and places to buy. Malaysians (generally speaking of course) love durians. It is a well-known fact that if you do eat a good durian, you will feel very satisfied. The only catch here is that you must be able to get a good durian. Getting a good durian requires a bit of skill and a lot of luck. This is me, but most durian-eaters say otherwise. However, majority of the great durian-eaters do not know how to choose durians and would then require help from the seller (not very honest they are) or friends or relatives who knows the tricks (they declared it as skill) of choosing good, satisfying durians. Unfortunately friends and relatives are often not around when you developed the craving for durians.

So it would then falls into a bit of luck and a small bit of trust in the seller/trader. After the durians have been selected, price haggling and finagling comes next. The pricing issue is often the problem. I still remember those days when the durians were priced according to its size. Today the price of a durian is in the weight of the fruit. Both are not fair in my opinion.

If I could find a durian that is based on the size then you have a problem as different species would bear the quantity of the durian flesh differently. So today they solve that problem by judging size AND species. Then again, each durian may not have the same quantity of edible flesh.

If I were to base it on the weight of the fruit, it wouldn’t be fair either. I mean, there are some trees that bear fruits that have little edible flesh and have thick and heavy husks. I mean, come on, there must be a fairer and better way to determine the price of a durian. I guess we’ll just have to use the metric which ever trader is using. “It’s not a perfect system but it’s all we’ve got” (I got it down from a movie I watched last time but can’t remember which movie was it though).

One thing I learned from past experiences never put durians in the fridge if you are planning to keep it long. Even if you are to put the durians in the freezer, it would be wise to finish the durians as fast as possible. If anything, any Malaysian would know, the awesome scent of the “King of Fruits”. No matter how hard you try to seal or how many types of air-tight containers you try to put the durians in it, the distinct and potent aroma would permeate through the containers and contaminate everything in your fridge/freezer.

A friend of mine tried that once. She, after carefully seal the durians with air-tight containers and with other coverings, put the containers in the freezer. The freezer was set to 22 degrees Celsius below zero. The following day, she took her frozen cheese cake (chocolate) from the same freezer and serve to her friends. Unfortunately, the cheese cake has lost its taste and aroma as the durian smell had seeped through the protective layers of its container and contaminated the dessert. There are many stories evolving durians but I’ll save them for the next time we meet.

Ah yes, the great “King of Fruits” is in season once again. The hunters in the West would talk about the size of the buck that was captured (or shot) or the prized fish that was caught but in Malaysia the bragging rights goes to whoever picked the right durians. Stay well and eat heartily.