During my absence

It's time. Yes. It's time for me to write again. It's been too long and it's been hard on me. It being life as it is. I've stopped since last year and since I'm on medication. I've been diagnosed with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. The disorder isn't dangerous, neither is it contageous but it's hereditary though. It's a little different from ADD but same drug could be use to treat both.

For me, I'm using Concerta at this moment. It's an expensive and "I-can't-get-it-over-the-counter" type of drug. I'm spending about 1/5 of my salary to pay for my drugs per month. The thing is I can't get it anywhere, not by asking at any pharmacy. In this country, I have to get it from the doctor who treats me (since it's a special drug). However, I don't really mind but it's taking a big chunk of my salary that I suppose to save for my BIG day or a rainy day. So I'm not so happy about THAT.

Since December last year, I've been taking the drug and some days are better than others. The drug gave me better concerntration in the day time so it's good. I do see some improvment in my ability to focus in my tasks at hand but it's the night that I sometimes dread. Insomnia is one of them, nightmares is another.

I seldom and almost never get nightmares before and now, it comes often. When I first use the drug, headaches came in waves. Nightmares start to crop up and almost every night. As my body gotten used to the drug, it is less frequent. My headaches are lesser too and by now, it's almost none. Nightmares lessened to somewhat but still appears at times.

Insomnia would attack me and I would not be able to sleep day or night. I tried taking naps in the day time but my brain activity was so high that I can't even sleep. The doctor says the drug would be in my system for 10 to 12 hours and I take the pills about 9 but sometimes, I just can't sleep. It's so bothersome.

I have to admit that the drug did improve my life as a whole. I'm better in handling my tasks, my relationships with many people gotten better and my temper gotten better too. Occassionally I slipped but on a whole I'm good. Much better in fact. So to weigh my pros and my cons, before and after I'm on medication, I think I'm much better. I'm usually cranky when I don't get enough sleep but because I can handle my emotions better, I can keep my "cranky-ness" at bay.

I know what some of you may ask me; whether my girl knows about it. In fact, I was encouraged by her to see the doctor. So yes, she knows about it and she finds it helps me too. My personality changes; according to my friends. I play badminton and my badminton partner even said in passing that I play differently now. Of course I didn't tell them why and in my point of view, I didn't change at all. "It's all in their heads".

Anyway, I'll try to update this page as much and as often as I can now. This is Brian. Over and out.